Hold On To Your Chucks, Girls.

For those of you that can't take a bit of well directed sarcasm, a heavy dose of irony and a good solid whomping of reality, you're probably going to want to skip this because this - well, it's gonna be one of those "mean" posts that makes people feel "misunderstood." (Incidently, in my experience, when someone misunderstands something, even when it's you, the problem is that they understand you too well - perhaps better than you yourself do - and that is offensive to anyone.)

Do you remember My Little Pony, ladies? I remember My Little Pony. She was great. A peppy little message, a happy hair do, maybe a rhinestone or two and, way better than those stupid Breyer horses - My Little Pony actually stood up when you set her on a surface. Plus she came with those great plastic brushes that had little patterns on the back and a handle so tiny that only a child could properly manipulate it....

Well, it's all over folks. Check this out.

If the image didn't tip you already, this is going to be another one of those rants. I want you to notice a few things about this. First, i'd like you to note the time put forth on this project. I looked at this and the first thing I thought - well, after I finished swearing - was "Woah, when did they start selling MLP's with rocker hair?" That is, until I noticed this in her description of the item. "...rerooted hair..." Not being a toy-remanufacturing conneseuir myself, I can't really say that i'm certain I know what she meant by re-rooted but I'm assuming that she either ripped out all of MLP's old hair and dyed it, then stuck it back into her head or that she ripped out all of MLP's old hair, bought some new hair in her chosen color (or beheaded a Barbie Doll and terrorized her long blonde locks) and stuck it back into the horses head. Either way, this begs the question - doesn't she know emo went blonde? Red is out ladies and gents - the savior of the broken and the beaten and the fallen and the crying and the dying and the bastards said so. And you have to trust a man who wears Hot Topic.

Then, when I was done thinking that, I was drawn past the bejeweled sparkely skull and the poorly painted fishnet to something else about this image. As you'll notice, she's kindly signed it, so that no one try to steal the fruits of her labors and claim them as their own - wise move. The reason there are so many emo kids out there is that they lack the follow through to actually kill themselves. I suspect that branches over into their art as well. Maria Maya Haley - yes, Maria Maya Haley - wants you to know that she, in fact, made this piece. Couple of things here - first of all, are those circular letters filled with cutout stars? Is emo even allowed to have cutout stars? She is so dedicated to the emo/punk movement that she still hasn't changed her screenname from mayanbutterfly.

Now here's the thing. I don't know Maya. I don't hate Maya. I'm not even sure Maya annoys me. I glanced at Maya's gallery. I saw a lot of things - but I didn't glimpse any razor blades or cornstarch blood, and I commend her for that. Hell, maybe she made this pony for someone else and maybe she rolled her eyes the whole time she did it. Maybe she was going for something a little more Angelina Jolie in Hackers than she was something more everything-on-mtv-right-now. Hell, you have to either respect fear or pity someone who is willing to spend the time it must take to re-stuff a MLP head of hair.

Why did this end up on my graphics journal? Because as I was browsing her gallery for hope that this might not be a sign of chronic psychosis, I found this.

Beware the filter.

Bewaaarre the filter.